Her Voice September/October
| « PREVIOUS | » NEXT |
Ads on this page from the following advertisers...
Keywords: , , , ,
EDITORIAL He said... Men as fixers - a double-edged sword for men who are tired of fixing so on, this is a well-established pattern. I theorize that a general lack of mechanical knowledge plays a part in these breaking behaviors. You know, pushing or twisting things in directions they were never ever meant to go. Here s the problem: I also felt a need and responsibility to fix my wife. I don t ever recall my wife asking me to fix her or indicating a need for this I just assumed it. In my twelve-step group, Fixers Anonymous, in order to successfully work a recovery, I must admit and own my faulty thinking and choices. These attempts went well beyond an established boundary, entering the land of the unmanageable. Yes, my wife is 100% unmanageable. Well not just my wife, but anything or anyone outside of myself. This list includes my kids, my sister, my friends, coworkers, neighbors, boss, minister, the world. Well, you get the picture, and I'm getting off track - back to my wife. If there was anything wrong in her life, I felt compelled to make it right, provide an answer, address what was broken, fill the loneliness and provide a dose of happiness. And now in all honesty, all of my best intentions and efforts were for naught. It didn't matter. It really didn t matter what I did; I could not fix my wife. Yes, it took me years to understand that there was nothing I could or should do. It is the individual s job to find his or her own personal happiness in life. People must identify and change for themselves whatever is wrong. It is not mine to fix, figure out or decide. Someone once said that the key to personal happiness is found in the relationship with yourself. How true. Salvadore Minuchin, who is considered one of the greatest therapists in the last 50 years, says the difference between being healthy and unhealthy is boundaries and only boundaries. So, if this means that the real problem is in my approach, my timing, my thoughts and my choices, I can fix that. Because anything that involves only me, no one else, is manageable. This is the good news. It is not that Mr Fix-it can t exist; its just that a change is needed in order to be more healthy, more whole and a better husband. Today, I see the boundaries between myself and others more clearly. I limit my fixing to myself. Well, except for when it comes to those doors that have been broken in, exterior water faucets that fail to turn off, car batteries that no longer work, and shattered mirrors that need replacing. Thanks for listening 2009 Copyright Brian Damon. I do not mean that everything is wrong with Mr. Fix-it. The mistakes are only in the timing and approach. John Grey author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It has long been established that men are the ultimate fixers of the world. Boulder needs moving, call me. You say the kids are having a problem with friends, ask Dad. Not sure which direction to go, a man has the answer. For most of us, fixing becomes a defining sense of self and our penchant for attempting to ensure successful outcomes. I am not sure why this is our plight, but give me a little time, and I think I ll have an answer for you. Is it really our job to fix everything and what does fixing my car have anything to do with my wife? A pattern of attempting to fix things, some successful, others not, began to form early on in my marriage. In our home, my wife breaks and I fix. When it comes to our clocks, windows, garden hoses, furniture, faucets, toilets, light fixtures, doors, appliances and so on and by Brian Damon You can have it maid when you hire our professional cleaning services We can be a part of your life with.. Weekly Visits Bi-weekly Visits or Monthly visits Give us a call we ll clean up for you!! Try the Luxiva Brilliant-C System today. Come in for a complimentary Skin Assessment. Maid Service 402 W. 5th St., Yankton 120 W. 3rd St. Historic Downtown Yankton 605-665-5266 665-3522 HERVOICE SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2009 5
- Maid Service
- Merle Norman
Keywords: , , , ,
EDITORIAL He said... Men as fixers - a double-edged sword for men who are tired of fixing so on, this is a well-established pattern. I theorize that a general lack of mechanical knowledge plays a part in these breaking behaviors. You know, pushing or twisting things in directions they were never ever meant to go. Here s the problem: I also felt a need and responsibility to fix my wife. I don t ever recall my wife asking me to fix her or indicating a need for this I just assumed it. In my twelve-step group, Fixers Anonymous, in order to successfully work a recovery, I must admit and own my faulty thinking and choices. These attempts went well beyond an established boundary, entering the land of the unmanageable. Yes, my wife is 100% unmanageable. Well not just my wife, but anything or anyone outside of myself. This list includes my kids, my sister, my friends, coworkers, neighbors, boss, minister, the world. Well, you get the picture, and I'm getting off track - back to my wife. If there was anything wrong in her life, I felt compelled to make it right, provide an answer, address what was broken, fill the loneliness and provide a dose of happiness. And now in all honesty, all of my best intentions and efforts were for naught. It didn't matter. It really didn t matter what I did; I could not fix my wife. Yes, it took me years to understand that there was nothing I could or should do. It is the individual s job to find his or her own personal happiness in life. People must identify and change for themselves whatever is wrong. It is not mine to fix, figure out or decide. Someone once said that the key to personal happiness is found in the relationship with yourself. How true. Salvadore Minuchin, who is considered one of the greatest therapists in the last 50 years, says the difference between being healthy and unhealthy is boundaries and only boundaries. So, if this means that the real problem is in my approach, my timing, my thoughts and my choices, I can fix that. Because anything that involves only me, no one else, is manageable. This is the good news. It is not that Mr Fix-it can t exist; its just that a change is needed in order to be more healthy, more whole and a better husband. Today, I see the boundaries between myself and others more clearly. I limit my fixing to myself. Well, except for when it comes to those doors that have been broken in, exterior water faucets that fail to turn off, car batteries that no longer work, and shattered mirrors that need replacing. Thanks for listening 2009 Copyright Brian Damon. I do not mean that everything is wrong with Mr. Fix-it. The mistakes are only in the timing and approach. John Grey author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It has long been established that men are the ultimate fixers of the world. Boulder needs moving, call me. You say the kids are having a problem with friends, ask Dad. Not sure which direction to go, a man has the answer. For most of us, fixing becomes a defining sense of self and our penchant for attempting to ensure successful outcomes. I am not sure why this is our plight, but give me a little time, and I think I ll have an answer for you. Is it really our job to fix everything and what does fixing my car have anything to do with my wife? A pattern of attempting to fix things, some successful, others not, began to form early on in my marriage. In our home, my wife breaks and I fix. When it comes to our clocks, windows, garden hoses, furniture, faucets, toilets, light fixtures, doors, appliances and so on and by Brian Damon You can have it maid when you hire our professional cleaning services We can be a part of your life with.. Weekly Visits Bi-weekly Visits or Monthly visits Give us a call we ll clean up for you!! Try the Luxiva Brilliant-C System today. Come in for a complimentary Skin Assessment. Maid Service 402 W. 5th St., Yankton 120 W. 3rd St. Historic Downtown Yankton 605-665-5266 665-3522 HERVOICE SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2009 5
Map
